Nancy Shulins and Eli

Photo Courtesy Nancy Shulins

As an infertile woman consigned to the suburbs, I developed a dread of kid-centric holidays that began with Halloween and reached a painful crescendo on Mother’s Day.

I learned to stay indoors on the second Sunday in May rather than risk running into the neighborhood moms. How I envied them their sticky breakfast trays and garishly crayoned cards. I envied them their stretch marks and sleep deprivation, too, having had plenty of time to romanticize motherhood while being shot full of hormones and injected with dyes.

Unlike the perpetually pregnant women on my cul de sac, all I managed to have were miscarriages. After my fourth, having run out of money and time, my husband and I gave up on babies. The Mother’s Day that followed was especially brutal.

Then hope arrived in the form of a scrawny, spooky, accident-prone chestnut Thoroughbred with one white sock and a star on his forehead. I had only just begun riding again after a 20-year hiatus when this unruly 6-year-old bounced into my life. I was 42 and no one’s idea of an athlete. I bought him anyway, to fill the gaping hole in my life where the kids should have been.

In retrospect, we belonged in the Odd Couple Hall of Fame. And yet, from the very beginning, I was sure we were meant to be. I named him Eli, and taught him how to give kisses. He taught me how to give everything, and in so doing, I finally got a glorious glimpse of what motherhood is truly about.

Because a love like ours deserved to be shared, I wrote a memoir about my 1,254-pound bundle of joy called Falling For Eli: How I Lost Heart, Then Gained Hope Through the Love of a Singular Horse.

That word, singular, sounded awkward but felt right. I used it because I was sure there had never been another horse like him, certainly none capable of inspiring a depressed, infertile, middle-aged non-athlete to reinvent herself as an aspiring dressage queen.

Or so I’d thought.

“Hi there,” a woman named Jennifer wrote, within hours of the book hitting the shelves. “I have an Eli, too. There are so many of us.”

I wondered if that could be true. I didn’t have long to wait. Women whose children were horses began contacting me in droves.

“I, too, believe that I can fulfill the emptiness that I feel almost every day through a horse,” wrote Kelly, who’s 50 and childless.

“Loved your book and identified so closely!” wrote Donna. “I was able back in the Sixties to adopt two wonderful children, but when the empty nest started, I learned to jump and bought my lifesaver.”

I then heard from Terri: “I always love to talk to others that love their four-legged kids so much. And your story about not being able to give birth is something I really understand, having gone through my own medical issues to later adopt our daughter when she was 13.”

Maria, who took up riding two years ago at age 54, sent me this email: “I can relate to you in so many ways. A love of horses, married with no children, riding as an adult, being a Virgo and over-thinking things.”

Melanie weighed in next. “I am compelled to write to you as I also have an off-the-track chestnut Thoroughbred gelding, 16.2 hands, named Eli.... I am also childless and have a deep connection with this amazing horse.”

Meanwhile, over on Amazon.com, Catherine posted this customer review: “I felt as if the author was telling my own story and after reading it...I have given the book to my family to read to help them understand my feelings as a childless person who feels like her horses ARE her children.”

A reviewer wrote in the New York Journal of Books: “Men and women who have shared the infertility experience will find words that speak for them and to them in this book.”

After it appeared, I gave an interview to Pamela Tsigdinos, an infertility blogger and author of Silent Sorority: A Barren Woman Gets Busy, Angry, Lost and Found. She asked: “Knowing what you know now, what would you tell your younger self, the one surrounded by baby carriages in suburban Connecticut?”

I replied that I’d tell myself to stop hiding in my house and seek common ground with the neighborhood moms I was trying so hard to avoid.

I felt proud when a woman in Los Angeles wrote: “I’m glad I read this after becoming a mother; I’m not sure I could have appreciated how similar the emotions are, whether your baby is twelve pounds or 1,200. It certainly made me more sensitive to those who want but do not have kids and how incredibly generous they have been to celebrate the birth of my daughter with me.”

And so it went. I heard it again and again and again, from women who came to my book-signings, shared their horses’ pictures on Eli’s Facebook page, and wrote letters, emails and reviews.

It pleases me to see Eli becoming a vehicle, literally and figuratively, inspiring discussions that have cut a wide swath through the barnyards and nurseries of middle-aged motherhood.

A wise woman in Belgium put it this way: “Sometimes our children don’t look at all like us...sometimes our children have paws or hooves, fur or manes, wagging tails or large pointed ears. Sometimes our babies weigh 1,200 pounds. We love them in spite of--or perhaps because of--these things.”

Jennifer was right. We are a tribe and a sisterhood, and there are so many of us. We have cobbled together our families from hooves and hearts, feathers and fur, and our hearts are as full as any mother’s heart.
I once thought there should be a day set aside for those of us whose babies weigh 1,200 pounds, whose children don’t look at all like us.

But then I realized: There already is.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Falling for Eli by Nancy Shulins is an oversized paperback, 253 pages long, published in 2012 by Lifelong Books. It is available from HorseBooksEtc.com for $15.99 plus shipping and handling.

I would ask my horse, Sterling, “What brings you joy?” Joy is a special word. It connotes a state of mind and feeling that most humans don’t experience too often. We use many words to express positive feelings, but you rarely hear people describe something in their lives as bringing them joy.

Sterling has a retired life with me as his novice rider. In our 4 years together he has proven to be “A Horse of a Lifetime” and has taught me to ride, and trust, and truly find joy in sharing time with him in the saddle and on the ground. I would love to hear from him what I could do to bring him the same joy he brings me each day.

The simple and loving greeting when I enter the barn, the “discussions” we have about life and our overall trust in each other has proven to bring me joy every day of the week. I would love to hear from him what brings him joy...in what I know would be his calm and loving voice.
Debra Ladley, Pennsylvania

My family doesn’t live in a good place to have a horse, so of course I don’t have one. If I did, though, I’d ask him if I was treating him well, if he was OK with it, and how I could do better. I live near a horse farm and so I watch how the owners treat the horses and work with them, so when I get a horse hopefully he’ll have some good things to say.
Ashlyn Bair, Colorado

There is really only one question that actually matters and it’s a quote from Pat Parelli: “Was it as good for you as it was for me?” The relationship with our horses must come first. Since horses can’t speak we can read the answer to this question in the same way horses communicate with each other, in their body language.
Robin Dym, New Jersey

I would first ask if he hurts anywhere. Second, I’d ask what his favorite thing is that we do together and lastly, what is his least favorite thing we do together.
Amanda Wood, California

Our family had a horse from the time I was a preschooler until I attended graduate school. She was more of a pet than a horse—treated just like the dogs and cats in the yard. I would have asked her if we were doing everything we could to make her happy and keep her healthy. I would want to know if there was anything else she wanted from us. There were times when part of the fence would be down, but she didn’t stray, so I would like to think she was happy with us.
Joan Weston Bellinger, Columbia

I would say...How are you doing Truman? Is there anything I can do for you to make your life better? How does the saddle feel, is it still fitting you ok even though you are older & changing shape? Speaking of shape, I am sorry that I have gained a few pounds. I want you to know that I think you are the finest, most honest horse I have ever met, you are a real trooper and I really love you.
Dee Whitt, Arizona

My horse speaks to me all the time; a soft whickering when I come up, gentle look, a soft touch of a nose, a lick on my hands and occasionally my face. My horse can speak if I am truly listening. That being said I often ask him ‘Where does it hurt?’ He came to me without the ability to walk without great pain. I named him Champ because he takes everything like one and by asking him that one question and listening to his answers, he now walk, trots and canters when the weather allows. So, now I would ask him something ‘New’ and that is ‘How can I make it better?’
Leslie McCormack, via email

I would ask him one simple question. Are you happy? I chose this question because I feel it covers everything. He could respond with his answer and elaborate if needed. I would not ask him a question so specific where it wouldn’t satisfy my need to make sure he was completely content all of the time. Wanting to know and make sure your horse is happy is something every loving horse owner strives for.
Shaelyn Kelliher, New Hampshire

I am the Equine Program Coordinator at Green Chimneys, a New York State school for children who are socially, emotionally and behaviorally challenged. Much of our work is nature-based, so the equine program is scheduled into the students’ regular school day. I posted your question on our bulletin board, making it an option for any student, staff or volunteer to respond. Here is what they said:

Student responses:
Do you like this place?—Jamie

Would you like more water? How are people treating you? Do you like to be ridden? Is there anything we can do better?—Shaq

Are you happy?—Nick

Do you remember your childhood?—Jenny

Do you have a crush on anybody? If you do, who is it?—Summer

Do you like it when I ride you?—Andrea

Do you like the food that you eat here? Is Christmas bran mash your favorite? How do you feel about people riding you? How do you feel about other animals being around you? What is your favorite type of weather?—William

Buckley, why don’t you like to steer?—Xavier

Do you get jealous when I ride another horse?—Paulina

What would you like from MacDonald’s?—Matt

Volunteer responses:
Am I doing a good job taking care of you? Are you happy?—Carol

Do you remember your mother? What memories do you have—Melissa

Do you enjoy being ridden or would you rather run wild—Joanne

What were some of the most enjoyable days of your life—Frank

Why do you crib—Joan (to her own horse)

Staff responses:
Do you get tired of eating the same thing every day?—Andrea (social worker)

What can I do to make you happier?—Rachel (child care/dorm staff)
Carol Parker, New York

My first question to each of my three horses would be, “Are you happy?” If not, I’d want to know what I could do to make them happier? What can I do when riding that would benefit you and help bring out the very best in you? Does anything hurt? Do you like your stablemates? (That one would be asked individually as not to hurt anyone’s feelings.)
Victoria, New Jersey

I have a 23-year-old Thoroughbred gelding I have ridden since he was 5. I’d like to know how he wants to spend his last years and if he understands how much I love him and how thankful I am for his generous heart. Before I bought him he had an incident where he almost drowned, and I’d want to hear that story from his perspective and why he will still jump through water like it’s nothing. I’d want to know what the best time of his life was and what I can do to make him as comfortable as possible.
Lisa Johnson, Minnesota

Read more answers to this question in the May 2013 issue of Practical Horseman magazine.

My favorite competition is Spruce Meadows. I have never shown there but it is my dream to one day. I have gone to watch the "Masters" twice now and it is always amazing to be there. The atmosphere at Spruce is fun, friendly and competitive. For the "Masters" riders from all over the world go and it is always fantastic to see them compete in the "BMO Nations Cup" and "CN International." For those showing, the grounds are amazing and for those just watching, there is always stuff to so such as shopping in the "Equiplex." Spruce Meadows cannot be beat!
Kelly Donaldson, North Vancouver

Every year I find myself looking forward to the Intercollegiate Horse Show Association's (IHSA) National Competition. As a college student, riding as a freshman at IHSA Nationals for Delaware Valley College was the most thrilling, intimidating, challenging, exciting, and now the most memorable horse show experience of my life. I attended all four Nationals that occurred while I was in college at venues such as the Coliseum at Middle Tennessee State University, The Big E Complex in Massachusetts, and the Harrisburg Show Grounds either as a rider or volunteer. Since then I have only missed one National Competition and have continued to attend with colleges I have coached for. I love every moment of it. Spending quality time with my teammates and now riders on my team are some of the best memories I carry with me, and many of the stories we continue to tell year after year become legendary. Seeing all of the wonderful horses that colleges are able to loan to the competition, reuniting with friends (old and new), and watching the students ride hard for their teams is the highlight of my year. Riding in the IHSA brought so much to my life as a student and seeing other riders and teams that seem to feel the same way is thrilling to me. We are looking forward to bringing the nation to our backyard again this year; see you at Harrisburg in May!
Emily C Miller, Pennsylvania

In the nearly 50 years that I have been riding I have participated in many different types of competition, from lead-line equitation and gymkhanas to Pony Club rallies and USEA recognized horse trials. My favorite to prepare for and compete in was the Versatile Horse and Rider Competition at the Equine Affaire in Springfield, MA in November, 2011. I decided to send an entry video in on a whim, and didn't start to do any serious preparation until early September when I got the acceptance letter. I went onto YouTube to look at videos of previous competitions and get an idea of what we might be faced with. I have had Gabriel, my 10-year-old Belgian/ Thoroughbred cross, since he was a baby and we do a lot together: eventing at Novice level, fox hunting, trail riding and pleasure driving, but never anything like this. With props from the Halloween supplies at Walmart, round pen panels and other stuff I had around the barn I built an obstacle course behind the barn and practiced every chance I had. I even had friends come over with their kids to yell and cheer to prepare Gabe for the audience. Preparing for this brought our partnership to a whole new level. Gabe was great at the competition; we tied for 11th place out of 30 entries, just missing being in the top 10 for the final round. I definitely want to try it again. (My favorite competition to attend is Rolex Kentucky. I've been twice and loved it!)
Rebecca Hunter, via email

My favorite competition to ride in is one that helps to build the confidence of the horse I work with. "George' is an 18.2 hand Thoroughbred gelding whose naturally spooky nature has been tested by a stable accident that resulted in him losing an eye. His owners and I have chosen local shows where smaller class sizes are less likely to over stress him with a ring full of strange horses. It challenges him to be in a different place and still focus on me and what I am asking of him. George gets very proud of himself when he knows he has done well. It doesn't always mean a blue ribbon; just the fact that he did his best in a class is a win for me. He has learned to trust me and if I don't get overwhelmed by an unfamiliar or scary situation, he is more at easy with whatever is going on around him. As a horse person all my life, I am always amazed at the ability of horses to read our moods and emotions. It helps me to focus as well by knowing that how I react effects him and his ability to handle things like another horse cantering on his blind side. George and I have come a long way together and we were awarded champion of our division at our last show.
Lynn Motschmann, New York

The Whidbey Island Pony Club Horse Trials on Whidbey Island, Washington. Been watching it since ‘88, groomed at, and rode in it just a couple of times…fingers crossed I ride this year.
Chris Cole, Washington

The Breeder’s Cup World Championship Horse Races! Where else could you go to see horses of all ages and specialties from all over the world compete in one place over a two-day period? Its fun, affordable and filled with stars of the sport!
Jonie Fanning Reeves, via email

Rolex Kentucky 3-Day Event! It’s an amazing atmosphere and world-class facility. I love how they have a spectator’s course walk directed by one of the competitors. It really shows how down to earth the rider’s are, despite their fame and success in the horse world. Being from California it’s the only vacation I can afford for the year but it’s well worth it!
Sarah O’Dea, California

The Metamora Foxhunt’s Hunter Trials at the end of September or the beginning of October. There are varying levels for all riders as well as tailgating for spectators. The hunt has been holding the trials for longer then I have been alive, and I have missed precisely two since I was 6 (mind you that’s 20-odd years) it is the best show around, and all proceeds go to feeding the hounds, I take my greenies before they compete in the hunter ring. (After all, if they can navigate around a hilly trial course, a ring ride is a breeze!)
Kira Wolf, via email

Read more answers to this question in the April 2013 issue of Practical Horseman magazine.

At age 9, I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, a form of autism. I was in the fourth grade and having terrible trouble making and keeping friends. It was as if I were living on an alien planet, only I was the alien. Just when I thought I’d made a friend, that person would suddenly refuse to have anything to do with me.

I seemed to be every bully’s favorite target. They would tease and laugh at me. They called me names like “freak” and “retard,” and told me I was worthless. When I’d cry or become upset and have a meltdown, they’d just laugh.

It’s hard for people to realize what life can be like for someone like me. I’ve never been asked to a sleepover

at a friend’s house, or had anyone spend the night at my place. I don’t have classmates I can text or call, like other girls my age. I’ve often felt that the world just doesn’t want me, and have sometimes felt suicidal as a result. I struggle to live up to people’s expectations, but it seems I inevitably fail.

A Turning Point
Shortly after my Asperger syndrome diagnosis, my mom discovered the Wings of Hope equine therapy stable near Burleson, Texas, not too far from where we live. I began taking riding lessons there, and helping to care for the horses, some of which had been abused by their previous owners.

This turned out to be a pivotal point in my life.

I discovered that when I got up on a horse’s back, all the troubles I had melted away. I’d never before felt so free and happy. I soon graduated from being led at a walk to loping a horse on my own, with no assistance. I even got to compete in shows, which began to rebuild my battered self-esteem.

I was riding at the therapy stable once a week, but that wasn’t enough for me, so my family started looking for a horse I could own. That’s when I met The King Elvis, a gentle older gelding that a friend of my dad’s had rescued. He had a drooping lower lip—the inspiration for his name, I learned. He also had a scar on his face and appeared to be missing some of his cheekbone. Life hadn’t always been good to The King, and I realized he was a lot like me. My scars didn’t show, but they were there, on the inside.

That horse became my best friend. When I had a bad day at school, I would go and ride him or just lay my head on his withers and cry my eyes out. He was always there for me. That’s the wonderful thing about horses—they accept you just as you are. They don’t care if you’re pretty or ugly, fat or thin, normal or burdened with problems. They never mock or tease or hurt you for the fun of it. The King became my “safe place.”

Horses Lost…and Found

Then, one terrible day, The King became sick and died. I couldn’t believe it; it felt as if a part of my soul had died as well. I fell into a deep depression. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. That’s when I met a wonderful lady, Elaine Nash, online. I belonged to an anti-slaughter group on Facebook; Elaine saw my posts and became concerned about me. We struck up a correspondence by phone, and before long she’d become a good friend.

Then Elaine did something amazing: She made it possible for me to acquire another horse. With my mother’s permission, she arranged for me to become the owner of a 2-year-old Arabian gelding, plus got me connected to a Parelli Natural Horsemanship professional to help me learn how to train him.

This wasn’t just any Arabian, however. Before Elaine introduced me to him, she asked that my mom and me watch the classic movie The Black Stallion. We did, and imagine my shock when Elaine told me the horse I would own was a grandson of Cass Ole, the stallion that played the Black in the movie! Cass Oles Beau is kind and gentle, and looks a lot like his famous grandsire.

That’s not all Elaine did for me, though. She knew I’d need an older horse to ride while Beau was being trained. So she posted about it on Facebook, and a Canadian teenager who saw the post set up a page called “A Horse for Meghan.” It took a few months, but one day Elaine called my mom and said the horse for me had been found. A woman who lived near us in Texas had a 17-year-old Tennessee Walking Horse mare that was a good fit for me. The woman had owned Ebony for over 14 years and wanted her to have a special home. My story had moved her to give Ebony to me as a gift.

Now I have two wonderful horses, each of which brings me a different kind of joy. And I still have my good friend Elaine, who’s helped me to realize that I can trust people again.

The horses that have graced my life so far have blessed me with hope, happiness, and self-esteem. They’ve given me a sense of purpose and the courage to face the world.

In the truest sense imaginable, I feel that I owe them my life.

Meghan Dixon, 19, lives with her parents, David and Luci, in Rio Vista, Texas. She’s busy training Beau and riding Ebony, and plans one day to write a book about her experiences.

Buck Brannaman and Noah Cornish.

Photo courtesy Tina Cornish

“There, feel that?” calls her coach  from the top rail where he’s seated, Western boots pressed, heel first, back against the slats. “He wasn’t as soft as I know you want him, but he was softer than the time before, wasn’t he?”

To most, this “coach” is now recognizable in an instant. The iconic hat. The serious eyes. The neat-pressed collared shirt. Buck Brannaman has long been a revered horseman, making his living through clinics where he passes on the knowledge he’s gained and hewn over years spent studying two men who some consider the original “horse whisperers”: Ray Hunt and Tom Dorrance.

In 2011, the documentary BUCK was released. Coming out of nowhere from a first-time director, BUCK struck the Americana chord. It swept the film festivals, won the audience award at Sundance, and shared with millions the story of how Buck Brannaman came to wear the boots he wears, each and every day, in many different places, alongside many different types of horses…and people.

Californian Tina Cornish, and her daughter Ali and son Noah, appear in both the hit film BUCK and the new instructional DVD series “7 Clinics with Buck Brannaman,” which was created from the documentary’s unused footage and released last September. Tina has been a Buck clinic sponsor in California since 2007, but it was many years earlier that she first learned of his methods.

“I met Buck when I was in my early twenties and somebody suggested that I take a Thoroughbred filly that I had and start her with him,” recalls Tina. “I had been riding a lot of racehorses, and for the first time I felt like I had some tools to keep me safe—Buck gave me those tools.”

Tina started riding English at the age of seven on a Shetland Pony named Thelwell. Later in life, it seemed only natural to put her daughter Ali on horseback when she was upset or crying. It soothed her. Son Noah, too, was soon drawn in, especially when Tina began hosting Buck Brannaman clinics at the Saddle Creek Ranch in Butte Valley.

“I remember wanting to ride like him,” says 16-year-old Noah. “Through my mom, I’ve known Buck’s philosophy since I was just a little guy, but I remember when I rode with him for the first time, I was on my pony Pablo, and I was thinking how cool it was to just watch him ride.”

This year, the first weekend in February, Noah got to do a whole lot more than just watch Buck ride. He and his sister Ali, who is now 18, along with Madison Wedderspoon who rides with Denise Finch at Huntersedge Farm in Las Vegas, were the riders for the English demonstration taught by gold-medal-winning Olympic equestrian Melanie Smith Taylor at the 2013 Legacy of Legends at the Southpoint Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Melanie Smith Taylor, along with Buck and a number of other well known names in the equestrian industry, was a featured clinician at Legacy of Legends. The event showcased those who exemplify the spirit and ability to communicate a level of horsemanship introduced and taught by Buck’s mentors: Ray Hunt and Tom Dorrance. Clinics held over the weekend were intended to “promote harmony between horse and rider, as well as preserve the dignity and well-being of the horse while encouraging the rider to achieve a higher level of horsemanship.”

“At Legacy of Legends, Ali rode her young jumper Freddy, who was a stopper before she got him,” explains Tina. “Noah started his young horse Gus over fences. Maddy was riding an equitation horse, and all three were using methods they have learned from those who study and work with Buck. We wanted people to see that you can apply these principles of horsemanship to whatever you do with horses, regardless of discipline, and Melanie was wonderful at demonstrating that.

“I would really like more people from the hunter/jumper world to participate in events like Legacy of Legends—there is such a wealth of knowledge available from these clinicians.”

For some, seeing Buck work with English riders in the documentary BUCK, and hearing Tina and Ali tell the story of how Buck’s methods made it possible for them to restart Ali’s champion equitation horse Van Gogh (“Theo”) in the instructional DVD series “7 Clinics with Buck Brannaman,” might be the first time they even consider the possible application of such “cowboy wisdom” to typically English disciplines such as dressage and jumping.

But if it is proof you need, the Cornish family’s success with Theo is certainly convincing.

“When we got Theo he was resistant and cranky,” remembers Tina. “He would rear at the gate as you tried to enter the ring. He would kick out at your leg. I had called Buck when we were looking at the horse, so I felt pretty sure we had made the right choice in buying him, but I still second-guessed myself for the first six months we had him. Ali wanted to restart him herself and she had only just turned 13. He was already a big horse—he grew to be 17.2 hands and weighed about 1,450 pounds—and Ali is 5’3” and 95 pounds!

“When we took Theo home, we turned him out a couple of weeks, then Ali started working with him in a Western saddle, outside of the arena. I remember watching her try to get him to cross a small stream up in the field while I was giving a lesson in the ring—she must have been there an hour with him! So patient. No one had ever given this horse time, so although it took a while, he finally went. It was good for both of them. Ali would wait for him to figure things out instead of getting impatient and trying to solve problems for him. She did a lot of softening laterally and rebalancing, as he had been formerly ridden in a very tight standing martingale. Everything she did was based on something she learned from Buck.”

“The most challenging thing for me was that I was involved in a discipline where there is a time crunch when you are a junior rider,” says Ali. “I was young, and it was hard for me to sometimes understand why it was taking so long with Theo while other kids my age were jumping bigger and having more success in the show ring. It became apparent to me later, though, why we took our time. Ultimately, in Theo I had a mentally and physically sound horse. We knew each other so well; it was a true partnership. It really showed last year at Maclay regionals when I flew in from college, and having not shown him since June, we still were reserve in the class. We don’t longe, ear plug, or medicate him, and Theo performs and behaves consistently wherever we go and is super sound.”

Tina, Ali, and Noah’s goal to use good horsemanship stands out. Ali took Theo to an “A” rated show the day after working with him at a Buck clinic, and the pair won every class they were in because they were so in tune with each other.

“I think the thing about Buck’s techniques that make them a little hard for industry people to embrace is that he invites the problems a horse has to the surface,” says Tina. “He does this so he can work through them; most people do their best to avoid them and hope they never appear.”

When you watch BUCK the film and “7 Clinics with Buck Brannaman,” there is no doubt that Buck Brannaman’s intent is for those who attend his clinics to gain the tools they need to become better horsemen and do a better job with their horses—not just in the “here and now,” but down the road and in the future. His focus is always good, basic horsemanship that, when done well, with the right timing, can yield great things in a partnership with a horse.

“I know trainers who, since discovering Buck and his methods, use the techniques with the horses they have,” says Tina, “but most people just want a horse with a behavior or training problem fixed for them and then returned when it’s been solved. It is a big commitment, a lot of time, to retrain yourself, your grooms, and your clients to handle horses differently. Change is uncomfortable for people and the pressure and expense of this sport can seem overwhelming to some. In my ideal world, people would embrace the idea of learning to train and ride better so their horses wouldn’t have to be robots. I also think trainers are often under and incredible amount of pressure from clients to produce; clients need to take ownership of their expectations so everyone can slow down.

“Today horses are bred so job-specific that it is easy for trainers and riders to push their mounts too fast,” she continues. “Often, the foundation is incomplete and we don’t realize it until there is a problem. We need to slow down and give the horse time to be part of what we are doing with him—he’s not just some vehicle to get over a fence and win a ribbon. We need to be more considerate of his mental state.”

“If you want to be in this business as a rider or trainer, you have to have compassion and understanding for the horse,” agrees Ali. “Someday, I want to ride at an international level representing the United States in show jumping while applying the style of horsemanship I’ve learned from Buck to every horse I ride.”

If Buck has an eye for a true horseman, then Ali surely has a chance. We all bear witness to her lesson with Buck in “7 Clinics with Buck Brannaman” and as Ali reaches down to stroke her horse’s neck, nodding as she listens to her coach’s advice, Buck gives her just the encouragement she needs to continue to honor the path she has, so far, chosen to tread.

“I think you’re right on track,” Buck says. “I know he’ll be a lot softer the next time I see him. No doubt about that.

“It all looks pretty good to me.”

Rebecca M. Didier is coauthor of Dressage with Mind, Body & Soul with Linda Tellington-Jones.

This is my biggest pet peeve by far! I usually respond by telling myself to keep calm, and then I say something like: “Oh you think riding isn’t a sport? Well let me tell you something, working around the barn and doing barn chores and riding definitely replace a gym for me. Lifting weights? Easy, why need dumbbells when I lift 50-pound bags of feed, haul and dump big wheel barrows of manure and carry water buckets? That’s just doing chores. I don’t build muscle while riding? Tell that to my thighs! You try going a countless numbers of laps in 2-point! It’s tough work. And contrary to popular belief, the horse isn’t the only one working up a sweat. You actually can burn calories while riding, and I definitely burn calories doing chores! Working with horses gets your blood and heart pumping because you do a huge ton of walking, and sometimes sprinting if a horse is loose or won’t let you halter it! It’s very much a team sport because you and your horse become one being and you work together. All sports come with risks, but no other sport requires you working with a 1,000+ pound animal that could kill you in one second. Other sports, if you fall, you only fall about 2 feet or so. Horseback riding? You fall about 5 feet or more and you also have the risk of being drug if your feet get caught in the stirrups. When we get in the arena, we don’t get time-outs or the ability to have substitutions. It’s one shot and it’s make or break. And you say horses can’t make you money? Horse racing totally can, and not just racing. Other shows can run into the hundreds of thousands of dollars or more for the first place winner. And if horse back riding wasn’t a sport, why would it be in the Olympics? Only real sports are in the Olympics, including riding.” I might say more, but after I rambled all that on, the person starts to believe me. Horseback riding is a real sport and I think it’s the best sport out there.
Janisse Ruis, via email

Horseback riding isn’t a sport? I’m sure that’s why it’s in the Olympics.
Lance Whitner, via email

I just tell them to try riding my horse and putting him over a 3-foot fence without falling off.
Diandra Littledog, via email

I love riding so much and I really wanted to share why I thought it was a sport, so for my college English class, I wrote a paper about it. I was able to describe the incredible athleticism of the horses and the athleticism of the rider. I also got into how we, as riders, are riding and partnering with 1200 lb. animals while jumping a course or posting without stirrups etc. It was really cool to put research into it and see how riding is a sport by the Olympic standards and if people would really try it, they would see it requires just as much strength and burns as much calories as swimming or jogging. If people would try it, try riding without stirrups or doing a dressage test or a cross-country course, or just try trotting with stirrups for the first time, they would appreciate riding more and see it is a sport.
Rachel McLelland, via email

If it’s in the Olympics, it’s a SPORT!
Shelly Saaf Talk, via email

I’d tell them to take my horse and try to jump something, or do some dressage.
Adrielle Moonswan Kash, via email

The people who believe equestrian activities are not a sport are generally the same people who think those that play football, basketball and baseball are the end all athletes. To them I counter that those other sports are actually games that you play with a ball, while our “ball” weighs 1,200 pounds and has a mind of its own. And ask a pentathlete which of the 5 sports (riding, running, fencing, swimming and shooting) they find most difficult.
Kim Cronenwett, via email

I bring them to a riding lesson, telling them, it’s so easy you have nothing to risk. Seeing them walk after the ride is pretty rewarding! Usually, after this lesson, they never argue that riding horses isn’t a sport!
Josee Talbot, via email

Interesting. I’ve never heard a non-riding person classify any riding discipline as a non-sport. I guess I’ve been lucky. Isn’t thoroughbred racing referred to as “the sport of kings”? At any rate, there’s truly no argument, as everyone’s fine comments prove. Now, golf - there’s another story!!
Andrea Stegman, via email

Riding is in the Olympics and it has been officially ranked the hardest sport in the Olympics.
Rachael Prawitz, via email

Generally, I argue that riding has many nationwide and international competitions and variants, including racing and the Olympics. If that doesn’t convince them, I put them bareback on a horse and send them off to jump a few oxers.
Katherine Johnson, via email

I tell them to jump on the back of the biggest football player they can find, start kicking them in the ribs and try to convince them to go where they want them to go. As they are thinking about that, I say now try that on something that is four times bigger.
Lisa Bent, via email

I was once asked a similar question by a colleague who queried: “Why would you take riding lessons? Don’t you just sit there?”

I responded: “Let me explain this to you. You’re on an animal who may be galloping at 35 mph. His back, the platform you’re just sitting on, could be lifting and dropping 12 inches every 2 seconds, as he moves forward. Sometimes, in response to some scary stimulus that you are never even aware of, he decides to jump sideways 15 feet and maybe take off in another direction. And you think this isn’t a sport?” He never asked about my riding lessons, again. However, he did seem in question of my sanity.
Patricia Carando, via email

I tell them yes, there are certain equestrian disciplines that are more of a hobby then a sport. For example, pleasure trail riding does not require much athleticism. However any of the Olympic accepted disciplines require physical and mental strength. You must have the utmost balance, muscle control, mental clarity, stamina and patience to ride a 1500lb animal over a course of 4’ jumps. I then proceed to tell them that I in fact have never had anyone that has actually taken a real riding lesson question the validity of it being a sport.
Nichol Peterson, via email

It’s included in the Olympics!
“Crash” aka Sacred Warrior, via email

Honestly, I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me. My physical therapist knows it is good exercise and mentally therapeutic.
Pretty-Ponies Gifts, via email

I always, always invite them to come try it out on one of my horses if they truly believe it isn’t a physical, active sport.
Kelley Wick, California

I had a manager once who told me riding was not exercise. I asked him if he could do squats for an hour. Then, the partner we were working with came to my defense.
Mary Sherfesee, Florida

Whenever people tell me that riding is not a sport and that all you do is sit there and look pretty, I just smile. Then I ask them, have they have ever tried to control a 1200-pound animal? Have they have ever ridden at full speed to a 4-foot high jump? (If you haven’t figured it out by now, I am a jumper.). Have they have ever ridden in mid-August heat or the freezing temperatures of January? Have they sweated buckets or had on so many layers you’ve forgotten how many you have on? Have they ever ridden without stirrups for hours just to get a little bit better? They usually say no to my questions, then I reply, “then you have no clue what we equestrians do – way more than sit there and look pretty.”
Alison Thomas, Arkansas

Tell them to try doing what you do.
Jennifer Granade, Georgia

I’ve had this discussion with folks before. It usually ends with me telling them, “Alright, if it’s so easy, let’s see you do it.” Oddly enough, no one’s taken up on that offer.
Jamie Edgerly, Florida

If someone claims that riding isn’t a sport, they haven’t tried to ride. I just say when you can do a wall sit for half an hour on a moving animal that isn’t very smooth without having sore muscles or complaining, then tell me riding isn’t physically challenging and not a sport. We know that’s not going to happen.
Erin Berkery, Pennsylvania

I always say you try riding a horse first; then come tell me it’s not a sport. They never have a response to that.
Amy Titcomb, New York

Let’s see YOU get 1,200 pounds off the ground!
Aimee Rose Kelly, New York

Fortunately, I haven’t ever had anyone try to tell me that horseback riding it’s not a sport! But, if this were to happen, I would probably invite them to come and ride with me. If the person had the nerve to take me up in my offer, I’m sure they would change their mind!
Nancy Rosen Resop, New York

I always like to invite them to come riding with me if they don’t believe it. I love the satisfaction of them yelling “How do I stop this thing!?”
Paige Vrooman, Maine

I invite them out for a month worth of free lessons with me. After a month of posting and two-point and hitting the dirt, they realize just how hard it is. A lot will not come back after the first lesson!
Amanda Hammons Frye, Texas

I say, “Try and sit on the roof of your car and give it a mind of its own.”
Rachel Holen, Minnesota

I tell them that after they have cantered a course of 3-foot jumps, they can come back and we will discuss their experience.
Susan Hughes, New York

First I hand them a very good waiver to sign. Second, I hand them my horse to ride.
Hunter Heights, Ontario

How can you argue that it’s not a sport when the Olympics awarded it the hardest part of the Olympics? Personally when whoever wants to argue they can ride better than I can on a course at 3-feet on an animal with a mind of their own, I’ll believe them when I see them!
Chelsea Hagerty, New Jersey

One day while sitting in my 1:30 writing class wishing that I was riding my horse, my teacher decided to push my buttons by calling riding a hobby. She messed with the wrong girl. I explained to her that they do not put hobbies in the Olympics. I also told her riding a horse isn’t just sitting in the saddle and looking pretty, you have to be physically and mentally fit. It’s also not an individual sport, you have a teammate with whom you have to communicate without words. Riding requires muscles that most people don’t even know they have. All the hours of lessons, riding, walking courses, setting up patterns is not just for our health (well it does help) but it’s the fundamentals of a sport. Football players take weeks to learn their plays; we only have minutes to learn our courses (which generally are a lot harder). Riding is just as much of a sport as any other, and if you think it isn’t, come over and ride my 1,300-pound horse and make it do what I do.
Amanda Keynton, New Jersey

It’s in the Olympics!
Rachie Rawrrs, Michigan