Baxter Black: Where's the Horsemeat!

Join cowboy poet Baxter Black as he examines the "what ifs." What if we herded horses with cows?
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Join cowboy poet Baxter Black as he examines the "what ifs." What if we herded horses with cows?

The horse has distinguished itself in the past
Through history in legend and song
While the cow has remained in the background
And I'll never argue it's wrong.
But what if their roles were inverted?
Then things would be different now.
We'd be dinning on Thoroughbred T-bone
And Roy'd have ridden a cow.

Look back in time, had we eaten horses
The cow might have filled in the gaps.
Why, St. George would have needed a Holstein
To carry his pig-iron chaps.
We'd remember the great Trojan Guemsey
That slipped into town with a pull
And Atilla the Hun would have conquered
Astride of his polled Hereford bull.

Young buckaroos in the Jersey Express Had vowed to deliver the mail.
Napolean claimed a war might be lost
For want of a two gallon pail.
Imagine the great General Custer
As he speaks to his calvary line,
"Okay Sergeant, have'm dismount,
Then unsaddle, it's milkin' time."

You could buy yer fast food at the race track
The winter, no doubt, would be served.
The caf?'d be called the Red Gelding,
You can guess where they got the hors de'oeuvres.
Burritos would take on a new meaning,
The menu'd be Clydesdale fillet,
The quarter pounder'd be old Quarter horse,
Dessert would be Shetland flammbe.

Well, I guess Mr. Ed can be thankful
This poem's just my fancy ad libs,
'Cause Black Beauty would'a been Angus
And Trigger'd be barbequed by this.
But I must have been dreamin' last weekend
At a horse show, where I stood aghast.
While the best Appaloosa they'd entered that day
Came in first - in the carcass class!