MR. BIG: Ok, I'm here now, what's going on?
CARRIE: I've done the merry-go-round, I've been through the revolving door, I feel like I met somebody I can stand still with for a minute and ...Don't you want to stand still with me?
MR. BIG: You drag me out to a park at 3:00 in the morning to ask me if I want to stand still with you?
CARRIE: Yes.
Carrie's voice: In a city of infinite options sometimes there's no better feeling than knowing you already have one.
Mr. Big hugs Carrie as they watch the stars.
--From Sex and the City, HBO series
Sometimes, all we really need is a simple reassurance that those we care for are really there, by our side.
In that regard, horses are no different than humans.
The horse yearns for these warm affirmations-not just in their relationships with one another, but with us.
And like any relationship, getting to know each other is the basis for success.
If you are working toward that end, kudos to you for wanting to gain a better understanding of the horse and a greater awareness of yourself as the leader. That is a terrific start! Click here to read my last column, Refining Your Leadership.
Now I want to offer you some new ways of actually interacting with your horse that will get the relationship off on the right foot. These recommendations will benefit any horse/human relationship, whether it is a relationship with a new horse or one you have owned for some time.
To start off, I try to do away with the idea that to be with a horse, we have to catch him and actually "do" things with him. Because when a horse senses an unspoken agenda or feels he is simply "a means to your end," he can become leery. This can show up in the behavior of being hard to catch, difficult to groom or as being barn/buddy sour, to name a few.
Just as Carrie needed reassurance that Mr. Big was there for her, your horse needs to believe that your relationship with him is the "end" to all you do. The "means" by which you can achieve this end is the knowledge and skills that will allow you to become a true horseman or horsewoman.
Another way to think about it is that a horse doesn't care how much we know, until he knows how much we care. Isn't that true of our relationship with people as well?
In order to set this kind of tone for each interaction with your horse I offer the following suggestions:
Spend Undemanding Time Together.
I encourage you to spend time with your horse, where there are no expectations or requirements of him. I want my horse to feel that I am pleased to just be with him. Being with him with no particular agenda will blow your horse's mind and will likely invoke great curiosity.
This is also a valuable opportunity for you to simply observe your horse as he is, whether that is on his own, or with other horses. Through observation you can learn a great deal about his person - er, horsenality. Observe his dynamics within the herd and within his environment. Consider these questions: Where does he stand in the herd hierarchy? Does he cause other horses to move (dominant) or do other horses cause him to move (subordinate)? Does he seem confident or unconfident? Is he curious or skeptical about you and objects in his environment?
